How to eat food and remain electable

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There are PEAS before you, but you want PRESIDENT.

Well, kiss that dream goodbye!

If you don’t want to be criticized for eating food in a weird way, there is a simple solution:

Don’t NEVER eat food, or you will be accused of being ROBOT, and people who see you will sniff and chortle and say, “WHO’S THIS ROMNEY NOW?”

But then again, don’t SOMETIMES eat food or people will complain you did a BAD, WRONG CHEW and will shake their fists and go, “SHAME, SHAME!”

Don’t ALWAYS eat food or everyone will murmur, “BOY, CANDIDATE SURE LOVES TO CHEW AND INGEST. WHAT WILL CANDIDATE CHEW AND INGEST NEXT? WHO DOES CANDIDATE THINK CANDIDATE IS, LOUIS XIV ‘THE SUN KING,’ A REPUTED DOUBLE-STOMACH HAVER? AND WHAT’S THIS SAY FOR DEMOCRACY, THEN?”

Food is Scylla and Charybdis, and your body is a pathetic boat that must navigate between them with no failure!

Corn especially makes you look weak, like you are sub-par vacuum, and this puts people to thinking about housework, an association we don’t want one whit.

Eat each piece of corn individually, murmuring “thanks” after stabbing each with tiny toothpick, then turn to assembled and mutter, “Mmm, this is the real stuff, this corn. I’ve eaten a corn before, as many here doubtless have,” THEN CHUCKLE!

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